Navy Blues

It is getting late. Sensible folks would have already gone to bed hours ago. I can see my neighbour's house down the road, the lights turned out 2 hours ago. If anything, Mrs Miller was defiitely sensible.

But I am not sensible. Sitting out alone in the moonlit porch, huddled against the cold in a bomber jacket, teeth chattering as I bite into my secret stash of pistachios. I have never been sensible if that's at all possible. If I was, would I have involved myself in a relationship that could never last?

A cold, blustery wind blows through the dark, shaded lane and gold, red leaves flutter through reminding me that it was already near the end of fall. And that we'd met less than a year ago when the leaves were still green, fresh and innocent with new, vigorous life. Isn't it funny how six months could change a person?

Even his name could bring a shiver down my spine. Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb. Tall, dark and definitely All-American handsome. It doesn't matter what uniform he wore, he looked great in all of them. But I fell for him the minute I saw him in those crisp navy whites. And those shiny gold wings. It had to be those wings. There had been the grisly murder of a Navy officer in a back alley and I'd been the reporter covering the story. Needless to say, the slick Commander managed to interrogate me out of my story - and out of my boxers.

I had never been with another man before Harm. What had happened then had been as unprecedented an event for me as it must have been for Harm. Sure, I'd been a liberal and as open as any man could be but I'd never done anything with a man before. No experimenting in college. No circle jerks even. And Harm had confided in me that contrary to popular belief, not all men on carriers and submarines engage in such activity.

But it was good. Oh God, it was. And with practice, we became even better if that was possible. Did we know then that we'd last this long? Would we have not done what we did if we had known? What had begun as a one-night-stand / fling had somehow dragged on into weeks. Into months. Perhaps I thought too much. Delved too deep into the matter. For sure, Harm didn't seem to have any qualms about our relationship. There had been no talk of feelings or anything permanent in our relationship. As far as I knew, he probably found me an engaging recreational outlet whenever the need hit him.

No, I was being mean. I probably meant more to him than that but I doubt Harm had ever envisioned a future with me. Since the beginning, we'd drawn our boundaries. We'd been two straight guys who temporarily used each other for sexual release. No frills. No fuss. The fact that we continued doing so and we didn't seem to be tiring of it hadn't come up in our discussions.

But the fact was I was coming to realize that our relationship meant more to me than just weekend fucks whenever Harm had the time. Without realizing it, I found that I was slowly thinking of him whenever he was gone, missing him whenever he went home, awaiting his return with such anticipation. And it wasn't only his hard, solid body and the great sex that I missed. I was starting to miss his smile, the way the edges of his eyes crinkled at the beginning of his smile, the way he whistled as he fiddled around with my car, the way he folded his clothes neatly - like every good little sailor did. Of course having a perfect ass helped too.

When I caught myself doodling caricatures of Harm, I realized that I had it bad. Somehow or rather in the midst of our relationship, I'd fallen hard for Harm, gotten addicted to his particular brand of love. Stupid of me. There is no future in this relationship. There can't be. I've tried to work it out in my head a million different ways, but it always ends up in heartbreak in one way or another.

Turning gay was a hurdle by itself although coming out of the closet wouldn't be much of a big deal for me since my parents were as supportive as they came. The fact that they were also big-time, reknowned tree-loving liberals and were right now campaigning to stop more logging also helped some. Being gay certainly wouldn't affect my new career as a political cartoonist. It could even give me more material to lampoon.

But it would have adverse effects on Harm's career. Don't ask. Don't tell. But what if someone asked. I doubt Harm would be able to keep silent.

"Thinking deep thoughts, Thane?"

Dropping my bag of pistachios in surprise, I quickly looked up. Harm hadn't changed before coming over. Did I mention that I had a thing for men in uniform? Dressed in his navy whites and a blinding smile, he looked wonderful. And I quickly realized those shiny gold wings don't only work on women.

Jumping out of my chair, I gave him a playful salute. "Lieutenant Commander Rabb, sir!"

"You're slacking, civilian." Putting on what I called his serious face, Harm crossed his arms over his broad chest and gave me a menacing frown for a moment. Then a teasing glint came into his eyes. "I think a punishment is in order."

He moved forward, determination written all over him but I stop him. "Harm, let's eat first."

"That's certainly an idea." The devil came into his smile. "And, baby, have I got something for you."

Trying to push 200 pounds of male away is not easy business as I found out. I might as well push a wall. "Not that, Harm. That wouldn't even cover an appetizer."

"Ah, a challenge." Already backing me up against the front door, he leaned closer and nipped the corner of my earlobe. "An appetizer, eh? That's not what you were saying last week, babe."

As I was busy struggling with a zippy reply, he decides to shut me up with a kiss. Our first kiss a lifetime ago had been awkward as we'd tried to adjust our heights, adjust the fact that we were both men and couldn't decide who would initiate and who would follow. It only took less than a day for Harmon Rabb to make it perfect. The man did everything well. This was no exception. The freezing temperature was forgotten as I felt those warm lips against mine, with the faint taste of the beer Harm loved and the taste of the man himself, felt the beginnings of a stubble brush sexily against mine, felt Harm's thick, hot cock burning against my thigh. Did I say appetizer? He was a fucking buffet. And I was a starving man.

But just as I reached for his belt buckle, the man had the audacity to pull away and lean back. My eyes immediately went to his erection which was obviously tenting up in his pants. God, I wanted that. When he didn't make another move, I quidkly looked up to see the glint of mischief in his eyes and his smug grin. "Only an appetizer, huh."

"Bastard." I swallow hard.

The man laughed at my discomfort. "You're right. We'll take care of that later."

"There'll be no later, flyboy."

"Don't make me prove my point, civvie." Harm threatened me with another daring grin. Running down the steps, he went to pick up his duffel bag. As he bends over, I had another look at his perfect ass. I can't believe how much he turns me on.

Standing back up, he catches me staring and gives me a grin. "Give me ten minutes and I'll whip something up in the kitchen," Harm offered.

It was a tempting offer for the man could definitely cook and Harm always made for some very nice rear views in my kitchen. But not this time. "No, Harm, I already prepared dinner. And you look beat."

"Yeah I am beat." For a moment, he looked almost grateful but as if remembering something, he turned to look at me suspiciously, "Wait. You prepared dinner?"

"With my two hands."

His green eyes narrowed pointedly. "Not one of your crappy fruity-nutty things."

It was time for me to get insulted. "That was muesli, flyboy."

"Crap is crap no matter what you call it." He grinned.

It was definitely not the time to get into another food lecture and I let it pass. "Nah, for you, I made meat-filled, artery-choking pizza with sinful large chunks of sausages and pepperoni to boot."

"Yum," he replied, licking his lips with relish. My eyes flicker to his mouth. To his tongue that was sweeping over his thick lips. Seeing my intent gaze on him, he shook his dark head. "You missed the window, Thane. You've already got me dreaming of pizza."

"I was not thinking of that."

"You're lying." Throwing his duffel bag over his wide shoulder, he strode into the house, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. It was almost second nature for me to look around to see if anyone was around. "But I'll let it pass."

As I squatted down on my porch to pick up my forgotten pistachios, Harm turned back and gestured to his bag, "Gray, you don't mind if I take a shower first?"

"Take your time. I'll get dinner heated up." Intent on finding the runaway pistachios, I replied and gave him a thumbs-up sign.

"Hey, Thane. Heads up." Hearing his raised voice, I looked up and saw a bag flying across the air to land at my feet.

"I know how much you like it." He tilted his head and gave me the smile that I loved. "Have a snack while I shower."

With a sharp salute, the Commander went bounding up my stairs two steps at a time. Slowly sitting down on my porch, I picked up the new bag and smiled to myself. California Pistachios. The man knew the way to my heart.

It was times like these when I knew for certain that I loved him. God, even while he was eating pizza, I felt like licking the melting cheese off his hard, naked body. Disgusting? Kinky? Well, I certainly never had such thoughts before Harmon Rabb stepped into my life. He was a corrupting influence. And I didn't know how I was going to let him go.

Putting down his half-eaten slice, Harm looked at me askance. "You're staring again."

"I know."

The beginnings of a blush burned his ears. "Do I have pepperoni on my teeth?"

Yeah, right. Pepperoni wouldn't dare stay in those pearly whites if Harm didn't allow them to. The man was a neat freak and it showed. In the twenty minutes he'd been in my house, he'd swept and tidied up the living room, filed my magazines according to height and rearranged my kitchen cupboards. His clothes were now hanging neatly in order in the bedroom closet and he had his socks perfectly rolled into his commissioned shoes. Did the Navy know that they were making perfect husbands?

He has changed into jeans and a black pullover. It looks great on him like everything else does. I watch him, and want him, and not just for sex. But that seems to be the goal here - well for Harmon Rabb anyway. I wish it could be more.



"Stop staring." There was clearly a blush on his face now and it pleased me to see that I could make him blush. "What is it?"

Saying I love you seemed out of the question since Harmon Rabb hadn't come here for that. No strings. No ties. Nothing to complicate matters. That's what flyboy seemed to want. I certainly couldn't divulge my secrets right now so I came up with the easiest answer I could give. "You are one good-looking man, Harmon Rabb."

His face burned. "That is still not going to earn you that last piece of pizza."

Shrugging, I pushed the plate towards him. "You can have it. I'm full to the brim."

My easy acquiescence had him looking at me suspiciously. "Are you feeling okay?" He sounded concerned. "You buy me pizza, you buy me beer, you give me the last piece. No health crap, fruits or nuts in between. You call me good-lookin'. You sure you're alright?"

I flashed him a glimmer of a smile. "It's nothing."

"You sure?" Wiping his hands on the napkin, Harm leaned forward and squeezed my hand. Only a large amount of restraint on my part allowed me to keep from snatching it away. "You seem different today, Gray. Anything you want to tell me about?"

Trying to make light of the issue, I decided to go on the offensive. "Commander Rabb, you don't have to take care of everyone."

He smiled but his eyes were serious. "Mr Thane, you are definitely not 'just everyone' to me."

His words were sweet, just the thing I'd expected him to say and it made my heart stutter. But I knew he probably didn't mean it the way I wanted him to. "You're only saying that to get lucky."

"You know me too well," Harm admitted with a low chuckle and went back to his pizza. But as he took another bite, he asked me again. "Seriously, Gray. Tell me what's bothering you. You know you can tell me anything."

"Seriously Harm, don't worry about it." Standing up, I go around to the fridge and had another can of beer for myself.

The man was persistent. Swivelling around on the chair, he folded his arms and looked at me earnestly. "You know, I am not only a good fuck, Thane. The ladies tell me I'm a good listener too."

I laughed at his comment and shook my head. "Not now, Harm. Right now, I just want you to finish your dinner and make good on that promise you made earlier."

"You're avoiding the question again," he complained and I wondered whether he'd continue asking questions. But then Harm flashed his sexy smile and casually dropped his pizza to the plate. "So I'm gonna have to interrogate you properly, Thane. You're gonna be hoarse from screaming when I'm finished with you."

"You're all talk, Rabb."

"Ah, another challenge."

Remind me never to challenge Harm again.

I hadn't even had time to remove my shirt. Which was my loss as Harm had torn it in half. The buttons were happily adorning the steps up to my room. As usual, I think I achieved another world record in lovemaking. Harm was certainly getting better each time and he was already amazing the first time. His heavy, satisfied weight pressed down against me and I could feel and hear his deep, easy breathing. The room is filled with the scent of men and sex. The scent of Harmon Rabb.

Part of me wanted him in me again. Wanted to feel Harmon Rabb filling me deep inside again. And part of me realized that if I did that, I'd probably never let him go. I'm going to miss this man. This wonderful man. With that sweet, sexy smile. That laugh. That way he has of butchering songs in the shower. The way he always sets aside at least one dish of crappy fruity-nutty stuff for me although he hates it himself. And I solemnly wondered whether I'd ever feel the same way for someone again.

There was no time like the present to find out. "Harm, I think this has to end."

Opening one sleepy eye to peer sideways at me, Harm mumbled out an assent. "Well, that's true for another five minutes anyway. I need time to recharge. I am not a machine, you know."

"Harm." I struggled and pushed against his arm pinning me to the bed. "I am talking about this. I don;t think we can go on like this."

"No, we can't." Harm nodded in agreement. "That's why we need to rest. If we went on, I'd be dead."


The man chuckled softly and shook his dark head. "I just had mind-blowing sex and you're trying to talk to me about something serious."

I had to admit that I was the King of Wrong Timing but since I'd brought it up, I figured that I'd better end it quickly or I'd lose the nerve. Or worse, I'd get addicted to Harmon Rabb again.

When I remained silent, Harm sighed loudly and rolled over on his back, releasing me. "OK, let's talk. What's on your mind?'

"This can't go on, Rabb."

"You called me Rabb twice."


"This must be serious."

"It is."

He sighed again. "What can't go on?"

Unable to look him in the eye, I stare at the ceiling. It wasn't morning yet but the moonlight came through the bay windows to cast unusual shapes on the ceiling. What a weird thing to finally appreciate when I was letting go of the man that I loved. "This relationship. This whatever we're having here."

The words register slowly in his mind as he props himself up on his elbow and watches me carefully. "Yes?" He was cool, calm and logical. I hate that.

"How long can this go on? Where do you see us going, Harm?" God, I sound like a woman!

"So this is a nice way of dumping me, is it?" he answers quietly, looking down at his hands. Clenching and unclenching, I wondered whether those strong fists would land in my face anytime.

My hand moves up his arm and he flinches. "Harm, I am not dumping you, as you put it. I am just telling you why we can't work out."

"You could have sent me a telegram. What did you invite me here for? A good-bye fuck?" he asks, still not looking at me.

His voice was still as calm as if we'd been talking about the varying weather conditions in Boston. Obviously, I'd not expected a fireworks since Harm probably didn't put as much emotional baggage into our relationship as I did but I didn't expect to be speaking to an emotionless robot either. "Harm, you're not thinking. This thing between us can never work. It's perfectly fine for me to be.. well, to be flaming gay, dance in the Mardi Gras or be whatever I want to be."

"You're dumping me for dancing in the Mardi Gras." Moving his focus away from the rapt observation of his hands, he turned to stare at me silently.

There were no signs of violence in him but I tensed in preparation. After all, Harmon Rabb had taught me the values of being prepared if anything. "Yes. No! That's not what I meant. I can be whoever I want to be and it doesn't affect me that much, But you can't, Rabb. Think of the repercussions. What would they think of Lieutenant Commander Rabb if they found out he was fucking a man?"

My words seemed to be garnering an effect and his lips twisted into a frown. "You're doing this for me? And I suppose I should thank you for trying to save my career?" His eyes were cool and he spoke gently.

His lack of feeling was getting me worried. This was from a man who could expound passionately for hours on every little issue known to man. "No. I'm doing this because I'm not worth you losing everything you've worked for."

"A job isn't everything," he stated slowly.

"For you, it is."

Did I mention that he was emotionless? I was miserably wrong and I'd somehow inadvertently tripped Harmon Rabb's fuse. It was a wonder to see. The man didn't move a muscle but in a moment, waves of anger literally rolled off him. "Who the hell made you the guardian of me, Grayson Thane? From the last I remembered, I am still a sane, responsible adult capable of making my own decisions!"

Now I knew why Harm usually spoke quietly. It made him even more scary when he raised his voice. "Think about it, it's not worth losing your job over a few harmless country fucks, Harm."

His eyes flared, shooting blue fire and I thought of running for cover. "Harmless fucks? You think that's all there is to this! Just a way to get my friggin' rocks off?"

"Damn you, Thane." Moving slowly to lean over me, he gritted out. "If I wanted a quick fuck, I'd have knocked up any of the two-bit whores in Washington trying to feel up a man in uniform. And I could have gotten it FOC too. Do you think that's all I wanted from you?"

It was more plain-speaking than I was prepared for and I was surprised to see it coming from the clean-cut, all-American Lieutenant Commander. With his background in the navy, I certainly hadn't expected him to be an altar-boy but since I'd known him, I'd rarely heard him swear at anything. Then again, as good natured as he was, I'd rarely seen him this angry. Except that last time when he'd almost beaten up the convicted rapist six months ago. It had taken Mac, Gunny and I to pry him off.

This was a side of Harmon Rabb that I rarely saw. And God, as crazy as it sounds, he excited me.

When I remained silent in the face of his fury, he reached out and pulled me up by the front of my shirt. Eyes flashing, he sneered at me - the man had one damned sexy sneer. "Just a fuck! How dare you turn our.. relationship into some tawdry one-night-stands?"

Stubborn to a fault however, I stood my ground - well actually leaned back further - and prayed I wouldn't end up in a stretcher. "You certainly haven't given me reason to think otherwise, Harm."

Tightening his grasp on my shirt, he pulled me closer. "You want a reason? Let me give you a reason."

He'd once admitted that it took him five minutes to recharge. I was ready to testify that he needed less than that. Was he taking some pills?

"How was that, Grayson Thane?" Harm murmured into my ear before pulling away to raise himself up to stare at me.

Looking down at me, his handsome face barely inches from my own, every part of his hard physique pressed against mine, I could barely breathe - much less answer his question. The unbridled sex had obviously calmed him down so I managed a nod. "That still doesn't change.."

Shushing me with an index finger to my lips, Harm shook his head. "Not this time, Thane. You lie there and listen. Please."

I realized that when a 200 pound male was stretched over me with his hard dick throbbing against my abdomen, any logical thought that I possessed tended to slide down south. It was my one fatal weakness. Knowing me as well as he did, Harm probably knew that too.

Satisfied that he'd gotten my attention, he looked at me earnestly in the eye. "I love you. You think I come over here just for a hot fuck?" Seeing the shock on my face, he smiled and traced a line across my lower lip and down the angle of my jaw. "Damn it, Thane. It's hard for me to put it into words sometimes but... I love you. I never thought I'd be saying this to another man but it's true."

Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. As my mind reeled from his admission, I found it hardto even manage a barely coherent answer. "Uhh.."

"I love you, you tree-loving, pistachio-munching Democrat fool," he stated a little more insistently.

Well, that was telling me. And I didn't love trees all that much. But the man wasn't finished with his ultimatums.

"You're not going to dump me for my career. You do that for the good of Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb's career again and I'll kidnap and hog-tie you to my bed."

That sounded like an idea. Just give me a wordprocessor to write and I'd be in heaven. Shaking my head violently in denial, I tried to give him a final warning. "Harm, I-"

Sensing that I was about to protest, the commander rolled his hips, causing his hard erection to nudge against mine. My breath caught at my throat. God, he was big.

Flashing a knowing smile, Harm chuckled. "Shut up, Thane. Just repeat after me."

When the man gave me that smile, I couldn't resist anything. "What?"

"I will not leave Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb for such a fucking stupid reason as he is quite capable of handling his own affairs as he sees fit."

I was about to give another protest but the man certainly had his own ways of persuasion and I grudgingly repeated what he said. "I will not leave Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb for such a fucking stupid reason as he is quite capable of handling his own affairs as he sees fit."

Pleased with my performance, he nodded. "That's good, Thane. You'll make Sergeant yet."

I took a deep breath. "Are you finished being angry, Harm?"

For a moment, he closed his eyes and seemed to be making his mind. Then he gave me a teasing wink and replied an affirmative. "Yes."

"Then.." I sighed and decided to take the leap. "I love you too, flyboy."

The admission evidently surprised him but as he recovered from the surprise he smiled and pulled me close. "Ditto for me, babe. Look, I understand why you're worried. I love my job, Thane. And I love you. That's never gonna change."


Wrapping his arms around me, he rubbed his lightly stubbled jaw against my neck. "Let me handle things myself. Do you trust me?"

Put it that way, how could I possibly say no? "Yes."

"Then let's get some shut eye. I need my sleep."

As he pulled away, I gaped. "That's it? You're just gonna roll over and sleep?"

"You had any other plans?" His smile flashed white in the dark.

"It's been five minutes, sailor."

His smile widened.

1 comment:

  1. Really well rounded story. I'm glad i found your blog.