Bonnie Prince Charlie

Prince Charlie wasn't having a good day. His last breakfast muffin had been crushed by rampaging trolls, he'd torn his shirt battling evil knights, had his eyebrows singed by a raging dragon and now at the end of his harrowing trials, he found himself facing a man in a four-poster bed. "Hmm. You're not a princess."

The man himself didn't seem at all surprised to find him there. Uncoiling himself from a stack of heavy tomes piled up on the bed, he sat up and smiled. "Good of you to notice. No."

Prince Charlie paused at the foot of the bed. "Huh. That is a problem."

"I don't see why. Thanks for the rescue by the way. Breaking the door in such a manly fashion was definitely an eye-opener. Do I get to kiss you now?"

"No!" Stunned by such a notion, the prince recoiled. Kissing Oriental men with golden skin and slanted almond eyes didn't seem to be part of the slay-and-rescue mission, no matter how alluring those dark eyes might be.

Far from being insulted by Charlie's vehement rebuff, his smile only grew wider. "Not very princely but it's alright. I'm Tze."

"Hello. I'm Prince Charlie from Burgundy kingdom."

"And you slayed the dragon and climbed up a tower. Not bad. I see a promising future for you."

"I was sincerely hoping that future had a princess lying in wait with wilting rose in hand."

"Ah, a romantic."

Despite being trapped in a tower with a PMS-ing dragon, Tze didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave. Being a helpful kinda guy. Charlie felt compelled to point it out. "Wait. Isn't your life in peril? Don't you want to leave?"

"In a moment. You see, the fire-breathing dragon at the door was certainly a bother but I had an excellent library at my disposal. I was halfway through my thesis in fact. Just took a short breather to go through some classics."

Checking through the pile of books, the prince picked one up at random. "Macchiavelli's The Prince."

"Good read. Excellent points. I couldn't have written it better myself." Then Tze let out a little chuckle. "A pity he never had the time to put them into practice."

Dropping the book back on the stack, Prince Charlie took a quick glance around the luxuriously appointed bedroom. "So the rumour that a nefarious sorcerer is living around these parts is patently untrue?"

"Preying on women and little children? Yeah, it's all too true. Look there." Tze climbed off the four-poster and gestured over at a frozen statue.

With his quick review, Charlie hadn't taken note of the statue amongst the other fineries. He turned again. "Good God."

Chuckling again, Tze playfully bopped the statue on the nose. Frozen forever with a shocked expression on his ashen face, the wizard Nefario wouldn't be coming back anytime soon for his cup of tea. Too bad the unfortunate sorcerer had underestimated Tze's skills and resource. "Unfortunately I smashed the potion on his face too late to ask where he left the keys to the tower. Leaving me stuck up here with a guard dragon outside. Guess we'll never know where he kept his keys."

Ever the helpful guy, Prince Charlie held a brass key ring out. "It was hanging around the dragon's neck."

"You're certainly resourceful." Tze smiled. "I knew the letters would come in handy."

"What letters?" Filled with suspicion, Charlie dug around in his pockets and drew a sheaf of papers out. "This letter?"

Taking the letters into hand, Tze nodded as he flipped through several painstakingly penned pages. "Yes. Ah, you seem to have found one of mine. An epistolary achievement."

"But this is from a princess in distress! Claiming to be held prisoner by an evil wizard."

"Well it got your attention, didn't it? I doubt you'd have ridden ventre a terre to my rescue if I hadn't mentioned the princess bit."

Charlie stammered. "That.. that's false advertising!"

"You can sue me later. I'll give you the name of my firm." If Tze had wondered earlier whether a little animation might improve Charlie's perfectly chiselled visage, he had it confirmed now. Those blue eyes practically blazed with indignation.

"So you could have left this place anytime?" Bloody hell. And he'd lost his eyebrows for this?!

"Not without the keys." Tze shrugged. "The situation wasn't desperate though. Fortunately the wizard left a well-stocked larder so I'd have been good to go for quite a while. And I had my books to finish."

"Well consider yourself rescued. You may leave now."

"You're not going to make an honest man out of me?"


Yes, Tze had heard about this old-fashioned prejudice back home. Some of the Western Kingdoms certainly weren't as open to sexual experimentation and alternative sexuality. But Tze had also been quick enough to catch the thoughtful look Charlie had given him earlier. "Burgundy always had a strict moral code. So very rigid and conservative. Dullards."

Stunned by the accusation, Charlie was quick to deny. "We're not! It's just.."

"Whatever. Let me get a few of my things." Tze headed to the closet to get his things together. "So could I stay over by your kingdom for a while?"

The Prince looked troubled. "Yes, but.."

Noting his hesitation, Tze turned around with a gleeful smile. "Wait, is your kingdom plagued with internal strife and a squabbling nobility eager to topple the rightful king?"

"What have you heard?"

"All wishful thinking."

"Well the people are restive, the nobles are fighting, my father is ailing - and my brother has his eye on the throne..." Charlie bit his lip. "He wouldn't make a good king. James is not a good man."

Neither am I, thought Tze but he didn't say that.

This was great. Charlie wouldn't know this but Tze was known in the Kingdoms as the troubleshooter Prince. Back in his homeland, clearing corruption, plague and insurrection in dozens of devious Machiiavellian ways had given Tze plenty of scope for his evil genius. But once he'd placed his eminently just elder brother rightfully on the throne, Tze had found himself growing bored. Unfortunately everlasting peace and tranquility throughout the lands didn't offer the prince opportunity to utilize his scheming wiles.

Grateful for the help his younger sibling had generously given, the new king was all too ready to bestow on Tze a generous portion of the land, dubbing him the Duke of Lanzhou with a sinful pension to boot. It was a project that the energetic prince threw himself into with much gusto - so much so that in three months, the capable, ever-efficient Tze had already single-handedly turned around the vast country estate - previously rundown by errant irresponsible landlords - with a projection of tripling his investments in the next quarter.

Which left him bored. Again. He needed a project that was worthy of his brilliant mind. For a while, vanquishing evil sorcerers and rescuing damsels in distress seemed the way to go.

But now he had a handsome prince with a tragic kingdom. Certainly worthy of his vicious management skills.

"...and I was hoping that a rich heiress would help my case, perhaps pay off our crushing debts therefore pacifying the hostile Council and..." Charlie trailed off into silence, his sensual mouth set stubbornly in a grim line.

"Have no fear, Charlie. I have a plan."

Pausing in his tortured contemplation, Charlie looked up in suspicion. "You do?"

"Well, not at the moment. But you can rest assured that I will come up with one." Sick king. Bad heir. Lousy nobles. For someone brought up in the mystical courts of the East with their cunning intrigues and hidden agendas, it was practically child's play. Tze figured he'd have it all sewn up in three months maximum.

"You look scary now."

"No worries. I don't bite. Not unless you ask me to."

Prince Charlie blushed to his roots.

He looked adorable. Those puppy-dog earnest blue eyes. That shy, slightly embarassed grin. Tze smiled. The plan was looking better and better. Bag a prince. Win a kingdom.

Some fairy tales might come true after all.


  1. wow, never knew you write stories too! hey i want to read more!! :D

  2. Tze: Charrrrrlieeeee... Charrrliieeeee...

  3. you are adorably creative with a perverse humour. i heart your mind!